Thoughts at a new year's beginning . . . . .

I am thinking a lot about transitions with the approaching beginning of a new year.  My family speaks to so many of life's transitions right now.  My husband, Patrick, and I are 63 years old, our son, Joseph is 28, daughter Celia, 25, my mother is 82 and my dad, 86.  What a span of years we represent! And with that span we are experiencing some of life's most challenging transitions.

Joseph and Celia are navigating those wonderful years of young adulthood -- new jobs, relationships, finances and responsibilities!  Patrick and I are contemplating when and how to spend our fast approaching retirement years.  And my parents have this past year been overwhelmed by advancing age and uncooperative bodies with health issues that have led to their move to a nursing home.  

The emotions in our household are sometimes a bit over-the-top.  Some days I want to step on the brakes and shout that I am not ready for any of this.  How did we get here?

But of course, there is much joy and pride in watching Joseph and Celia grow and make the choices that are shaping their lives.  Somedays we just cheer for them -- go for it! great job!!

Patrick and I talk a lot about our upcoming retirement years with a sense of optimism even if it is all a bit uncertain now.  We have many decisions to make and we are fortunate to have options.

My parents' options, of course, have diminished.  It is a hard process to watch and be a part of, but we feel lucky to still be sharing this time and space with them.  We treasure each day.

Every day brings news from one front or another and we all just hold each other up when needed, cheer the victories and weather the defeats.  In this new year we will keep moving forward together. Grateful.

A very nervous, helpless day.....

Just a brief posting about my horrible, no good, very awful two days of feeling useless.

By way of some background, I live in Minneapolis, MN and my elderly parents live in a small town 6 hours away in Nebraska.  I have three sisters who live within 30 miles of my parents' home so I am the odd one out.  Mom and Dad are struggling these days with a variety of age and health related issues.  The primary factor in their story now is that Dad has Alzhiemers and is at a stage where he still knows all of us but he is unable to carry out any tasks and requires much assistance with all things day to day.  My mother is his primary caregiver but has health issues of her own that are slowly wearing her down.

I'm sure many of you recognize the bones of this story - aging parents who need help from their grown children who have busy lives, jobs, kids and grandkids of their own, separated by distance - all the things that pull at families at this time in life.

Well, this week Mom had a bout of stomach issues, a bug perhaps that left her dizzy, weak, unable to eat or drink much - but still needing to care for Dad.  I know she was scared, what would she do to feed him, keep him safe and take care of herself.  My youngest sister filled me in and when I called I could hear the fear in her voice. And this is the week that Minnesota weather decided to kick into winter.  Forecast of blowing snow, 4 to 6 inches, not something you can safely drive in across the wide open southwest corner of the state to go to Nebraska for the weekend.

My sisters all took over and took turns being with the folks.  They called the doctor, cajoled Mom into eating and drinking as she could.  They cooked, cleaned, and spent the night with them. But I felt helpless and useless and nervous here.  The distance between my house and theirs feels very far at times like this.  I know everything is being done that can be done but I still wish to be there just to see for myself, to talk to them face to face and to hug and be hugged.

I hope tomorrow will be a bit better.  I will talk to Mom, I hope she will sound stronger.  I know she will feel comforted by my sisters' attention. And I will tell her how much I love them both.